Back then God dropped this idea into my spirit of creating a faith focussed website for young women (can I still class myself as young? I hope so!), a place where wisdom could be shared, stories told and community gathered - a resource that would inspire, cast vision and allow women to dream and learn from one another - where God would be glorified just by the very nature of us all sharing our experiences of His goodness.
So what stopped me?
Well, firstly, life happened. 2012 ended up being a really difficult year and God's goodness, though in hindsight still very much present in my life, did not feel close by. As much as I wanted to throw myself into the creation of a dream, at the time God felt so far away from me and I couldn't bring myself to invest in something when the very core of it would rely so heavily on my shaky relationship with God.
Secondly, fear. I'm scared. I've always been scared. A personal faith is a beautiful, powerful, deep thing. It's something that on the one hand needs to be shouted from the rooftops, but on the other hand is so deeply personal that putting it on the internet carries risk. I knew that creating something like this would put me up front, my life on display, my journey, my deepest thoughts, feelings, struggles, interpretations (and misinterpretations!). It's a scary thing. What if I'm revealed as a fraud? What if everyone finds out I don't have it all together? What if I get it wrong and I don't represent God well? So. Much. Fear.
So why now?
Well, over the last seven years I've swung back around to this dream a number of times. I've even taken small steps towards it on a few occasions. I've felt the unshakeable urge to do something about it over and over again. And can I tell you that - without being overly dramatic - each time I've taken steps towards it, each time I've made a decision to make a start, either life has dealt me with some pretty harsh blows, or distracting opportunities have caused me to take a different (mostly wrong!) path.
Looking back at this cycle over the years has led me to think that clearly this is something that I need to get out there. I've fallen at so many hurdles, crippled by fear most of the time, and yet the dream hasn't gone away, if anything, it's grown and become more intense! But so too have the distractions and curveballs. It could be suggested that, given the struggles along the way, there is a power trying to prevent this thing from getting off the ground, maybe?
"For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places." Ephesians 6:12 (NLT)
Well, it has to be said that NOW is the time. If not now, then when? Yes, I might fail, yes, I'll make mistakes, but what if? What if I succeed? What if my voice is a voice that needs to be heard? What if God wants to use my measly blog offering in a greater plan? What if to not try, is to deprive a generation of women from a resource which would help them? These are the 'what ifs' that need my attention! These are the 'what ifs' that should keep me awake at night! Surely, it's worth a go!
What's stopping you from achieving your dream? What if you re-thought your 'what ifs'?
This month I'm taking part in #Blogtober18 - (hopefully) blogging every day in October! I'm not going to follow any particular prompts, but will be attempting to provide a steady stream of content to give the site a boost in these early days! #PrayForMe! You can follow along with a whole host of bloggers on social media by searching #Blogtober18.
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