Confession Time!

One of my biggest stumbling blocks when it came to starting a faith-based blog, is not wanting to put myself out there as a super-spiritual bible guru who had it all together. Because, let me tell you, I don't!

We all have our favourite Christian influencers - pastors, authors, speakers - who inspire us, and whilst I hope to one day have the privilege of being somebody's inspiration, I know how we can look up to these people and set them on pedestals. I don't want to be on somebody's pedestal. I know me and trust me, one day I will mess up and let you down!

But the beauty and wonder of this thing called grace, is that it doesn't matter how much of a mess we are, it doesn't matter what mistakes we make or how many times we have to keep coming back to the cross, God has made a way for us and His name is Jesus.

Now, I'm a chronic sufferer of pride. I would love for you to think that I have my life together and that I can handle anything. I would love for you to think that I am knowledgeable, spiritual and wise. I'm the type of girl who wears a brave face and fakes it 'til she makes it! But the truth is, in the grand scheme of things, I am none of these things. I struggle. A lot. Most days, at some point, I'm a hot mess.

So here's a bit of confession time:

  • I am horrified at how often I have to wrestle with pride and jealousy.
  • I worry. Every day. About ridiculous things - some big, some small. They say worry is the opposite of trusting God. And it's true. Worry causes me to be fearful, and whilst I wouldn't say I live IN fear, I would say that it is a constant shadow that causes me a lot of stress. Recently I think it's got worse and I have no idea why.
  • One specific area I struggle to trust God in is my finances. I have a really negative money mindset, and I really wrestle with putting God first - although if I were advising anyone else I would absolutely teach tithes and offerings and all that jazz; God doesn't let you down.
  • My house is always a mess and I feel guilty about that.
  • I (very often) have no patience with my kids.
  • I'm a chronic introvert which is in no way a bad thing but there are definitely times where I allow myself to withdraw a little too much.
  • I never feel like I really fit in.
  • I watch too much Nashville.
  • I'm addicted to lattes.

I could absolutely continue, but I'll spare you my dirty laundry and just say this: I was scared that because of all these things (and many more) that I would not represent God well. I was scared that one day, these things would surface and you would all find out I was a fraud or a hypocrite. I was scared that because of all these things, God couldn't possibly use me, or my mess.

But you know what? That's not how God works. Granted, I'm not perfect, I never will be. None of us are. But God uses our mess to create His message. He takes dead things and breathes them to life. He swaps ashes for beauty. He uses woefully inadequate people to show the world how adequate He is. He loves us. He loves us. He loves us. No matter our mess, no matter our mistakes, He loves us.



And so I wanted to tell you from the off, I wanted to put it out there - I've been waiting seven years to get all my ducks in a row before starting this blog. I've tried to be perfect, I've tried to get my stuff together and bundle it up neatly into a testimony with a glorious ending. But if I do that, this blog just isn't going to get written. I will never be that person. I am very much a work in progress, and one day, on the other side of eternity I might be completed but until that day comes, maybe you'll join me on the journey?

"And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns." Philippians 1:6 (NLT)


This month I'm taking part in #Blogtober18 - (hopefully) blogging every day in October! I'm not going to follow any particular prompts, but will be attempting to provide a steady stream of content to give the site a boost in these early days! #PrayForMe! You can follow along with a whole host of bloggers on social media by searching #Blogtober18.

No comments:

Featured

I love you with my life!

I walked past a dad dropping his son off at school a little while back. As he watched his son run through the gates, he shouted in a deep, ...

Powered by Blogger.